When I was younger, I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I took each year as it came with no real plan. Except to do what I’m supposed to. Minus a blip in my early teens, I stuck to the status quo and coasted along without a real plan in mind. I didn’t take a break or a gap year, I went to uni to study something I found interesting but with no real intentions of getting a job in that field. So to everyone’s great surprise I left the three years with still no idea what I’m actually doing with my life.
Summer has left me faster than I’ve ever known. With new friendships, experiences and memories; everyday something fresh and exciting. But now we’ve entered October, things are slowing down and turning beige. It feels almost as if I’ve lost the last four months of my life. I find myself thinking daily, what now?
As always I’m wondering what my dad would think. Being unable to ask him for direction or help is something I’m still getting used to and perhaps something that always holds me back. Who knows. But this coupled with the change in the season seemingly hitting me harder than ever before, I’m at a loose end. I can feel myself slipping back into old patterns and behaviours. Slowly… retreating… back…
The question is, when will the lightbulb moment finally strike? Or is this it until the sun returns and I feel inspired by life again?
But for now I’m still just coasting along.